The Green Monster

May 6, 2011 § Leave a comment

So this morning saw me drink my first ever green monster smoothie. Which means spinach for breakfast. More importantly, for me, it meant starting the day by throwing random amounts of banana, flax, soya milk and spinach into a blender and drinking it. On paper, that sounds like exactly the kind of thing I should be doing. In practice, I have no idea what the calorific ‘damage’ of one of those things is and therefore wouldn’t normally touch it with a bargepole. But the  fact is that my rules haven’t served me so well. Not just of late, but for about a decade. A whole decade, maybe more. Truth be told, that’s ridiculous. So I tried something new. And I liked it.

There’s another rule I’ve broken. The often cited ‘throw out your scales rule’. I have never been a weigher. There was a time, admittedly, when I would weigh myself a lot at my grandparents’ flat and want the number to be less and less and less. I can vividly remember wanting to round off at 8 stone (because round numbers are perfect), then under it, as far as i could go. I must have been 16 or so. And utterly rail thin. Since then, I’ve never been too focussed on my weight, other than knowing roughly what my ‘spectrum’ was. I’m also aware that the first weight I would pick in my head for myself is below the healthy BMI range. And I know that I would be somewhat bony there. Thankfully, I can rationalise enough to know that the midpoint between there and here is healthy and maintainable.

While I have absolutely no desire to start obsessing about this, I also know that knowledge is power. Not having any idea of my current weight and then hearing it told to me by a stranger was frankly distressing and shameful. I would rather have the facts as I work through this. If it comes to it, and I hope it won’t, I’ll know if I’m making progress or making things worse.

The last time I stepped on a scale in front of someone I cried. I wept with shame that I am a stone into the healthy BMI index for my height. No, my health is not where I would want it to be right now, but if that is my greatest grievance at the moment, I really need to sort this out.

Another monster to shame.

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