May 19, 2011 § Leave a comment

Well here we are, after a good few weeks of silence. After a couple of weeks of steadiness and improvement, a Bad Food Day.

It’s hard to write about when things are as good as they have been. I made a decision to change and I started to make it happen. Something shifted, or clicked, or dissipated. But for a while there, I was coming up for air. Honestly, there were a couple of days when I couldn’t remember the past few months of my life. That amnesia is always a sign that things have changed.

Today, I could feed a cloud coming. Due to an increasingly stressful list of things to do, I stopped moving. Literally, skipped my daily cycle and fresh air, my daily yoga, my daily check in. Three days in and I feel queasy. It feels so off-balance already to have stopped moving and just given in to consuming. I understand how I got here. I’m tired. A bit stressed. I let myself off because the scales dipped a few points. But right now, I don’t feel good. I’m not melting down, but I’m not good. Not as good as I have been. Which, tellingly, has still been stressed and uncomfortable, but at least about some more pressing issues than what I put in my mouth every day.

Today I didn’t listen to the signals. Today I am going to remember how this feels.

Tomorrow will be better. Not a bounceback from the bottom, but a foot in front of the other because that’s all it takes.


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