June 24, 2011 § Leave a comment
There is a certain cereal that I can’t say no to. Really, really can’t say no to. I’m not entirely sure what it is about this particular muesli that I can’t control myself with, but the fact remains that control is lost. Not just craving, not just a big bowl, but all out eat til it hurts addiction. While this is a subject of amusement publicly, it really bothers me.
Obviously, the fact that a bag of cereal is enough to bring me to my knees is troubling. And whilst I am aware that there is probably an underlying trigger to some of these overindulging incidents (the word ‘binge’ is really not one I can face today), it feels like the food itself tips me over the edge.
Whilst the easiest solution seems to be to avoid it altogether, the idea of restriction is also incredibly triggering for me. In fact a lot of the time, I will overeat just to prove that I am not one of those people who deprives themselves through vanity. Which, I am quite aware, it quite like stabbing myself in the foot because my current problem is more like one of lack of restraint than having too much of it.
Nevertheless, I don’t feel good about avoiding some things outright most of the time, as it feels like an admission of weakness. What I would love is to be able to treat all foods equally and not feel at the mercy of any of them. Perhaps that’s just another perfectionist whisper.
Either way, I’m throwing the rest of the bag out. I have to be honest about what makes me lose it. And that bag of innocuous muesli is a pervasive problem.
Back to simpler things.